Folks, with St. Patrick's Day fast approaching and people likely to start partying this weekend, I think it's time we discussed something very serious. Beer Crime. Now, I'm not a hardliner when it comes to crimes against beer. I don't bristle at the thought or suggestion of drinking the pale water down mass produced domestic American beers whose very existence some consider a crime and affront. Indeed, I have been known to toss back a Miller High Life and actually enjoy it as opposed to drinking it and trying to make some sort of ironic statement. Damned hipsters.
I also don't go around rigorously enforcing the Reinheitsgebot. I confine my beer snobbery to gently and quietly mocking the undeveloped palates of those who swill nothing but rice brewed American pilsner knock-offs and shake my head when someone walks into my local micro brewery and tries to order a domestic beer. But there comes a time when a man must take a stand. And so I'm taking aim at one of the greatest mockery's in beer drinking today: Green Beer. Sure, sure I know what you're thinking. It's seasonal. It's harmless. It's festive!
Nope. It's gross. It's pathetic. It's cheap. And it's dishonest. Couple drops of food coloring, does not "Irish up a beer." You want to drink an Irish beer, drink an Irish beer. Guinness, Harp, Smithwick's, Murphy's, Beamish. Normally, I'd suggest that if none of those appeal to you, you could try some Irish whiskey...but if your stomach is rebelling at drinking a good Irish beer, maybe we better order you up a nice glass of milk or some weak tea instead...
Or if you absolutely must have your domestic this holiday...keep it clean, clear, and refreshing. Leave the green food coloring where it belongs in a delicious Shamrock Shake...
PS in case you haven't heard there's a move to make St. Patrick's Day an official US holiday...
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5 comments:
I bet you can get a green flirtini.
Green flirtini? That's another kind of blasphemy. The flirtini clearly depicted on the Duck Brotherhood's coat of arms is most definitely pink...
forget st. pat's day. celebrate like an american should, and celebrate evacuation day when the british left boston in 1776. can i get an...hell yeah!!!!
Hell Yeah!
Now I've got that out of my system...there's already Independence Day and every day living your own variation of the American Dream that celebrates America. Not to mention President's Day and Veteran's Day.
So is it wrong to take a day and not so much honor St. Patrick as celebrate the people and culture which gave us Guinness, the Donegal Fry, excellent whiskey, catchy folk songs, etc.?
And St. Patrick's day also creates an odd, if fleeting, sense of community. Seriously, March 17th is one of the few days we can do the sing along thing in a bar and people won't look at us like we're space aliens...
Yeah, damn hipsters.
...Then again, that is why I drink Bass.
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